i just don't feel happy today. the day started off bad when I couldn't get a big bag of dog food. the dogs were out of food and walmart was the only thing open. I'm gonna start weaning them over to a different kind that is always in stcok.
when I got home I was VERY tired and as much as I love my girls, I hate how they bombard me at the door. The first thing after "Daddy!" is "I want chocolate milk!" no please or anything. It's a demand, not a question. no matter how many times I correct them and get them to ask properly, the next time, same thing. demands. it just starts my day off on the wrong foot.
when i got up this afternoon, I just wasn't in a great mood. while Becky was helping someone get our house looking better, the girls and I ate supper. which means they barely ate and one of the few opps we have to eat a nice dinner together was lost.
this whole house selling thing is stressing me the fuck out. everyday I see things that should be done, fixed, etc and I will never have enough time to do it all. So I feel that if it's not done, nobody will buy the house. then i feel that even if i do all the stuff I CAN, nobody will buy it anyway because of the stuff we can't afford to do. (Roof, refinish floors, new carpet) it's like a mental Catch 22. I just can't shake this feeling that our house is unsellable. I know it IS sellable, i just keep thinking it's not.
i feel like no matter how hard I try or how much I do, nothing ever turns out the way I want it. and it's not like my aims are unrealistic either. I just want my kids to use a little manners and listen when I talk to them. I just want to be able to get things done that need to be done. I just wanna play my guitar and scream. I just wanna lift some weights. I just wanna relax. I just wanna meditate. Unfortunately, there is only 24 hours in a day. And since I can't get everything done, I constantly feel stressed and unsatisfied. i'm always in such a hurry because there is always something I want to do. my mind is just pulled in a hundred directions at once.
right now my major concern is the house. I'm afraid we'll never sell and be stuck here. sigh.
