Not a good week so far

The last 3 days, including today, have been really rough. Really rough. I have been feeling really really tired. But I don't know if it's really tired. Other than being tired, like, my eyes hurt tired, I'm also feeling defeated. Almost that disconnected feeling I was having a while back. I don't know if the tired is a side effect of the "down" or if the "down" is a side effect of being really tired.  In any case, it's not good. I have been very easily frustrated and feel that nothing is going right. I couldn't find the can opener, all the pork was freezer burnt, I couldn't find the chequebook, our account went into the red because I forgot about a check I wrote. The girls are ignoring my requests no matter how I phrase it. I am dropping things and spilling things. I even tried to watch a movie and I kept getting interrupted and it cut into my nap time. Add to that a somewhat upsetting email from my mother and I didn't nap very well at all. And I just don't have the energy to deal with it. My feet hurt, my knees hurt, my back hurts, my head hurts, my ears are ringing, and I have a canker that just won't go away. I thought about taking a couple days off work but I honestly don't think it would help. I've been getting enough sleep so I really don't think not working nights and just sitting around all day "relaxing" is the answer right now.

I see the doctor next week. Since my sleep tests came back normal I think he's going to start me on some meds to help make my sleep more effective. The plan is to get me off the anti-depressants. But up til this week, I was doing really well on them. Still really tired but not angry or down. I just want to be poppin' pills all day just to be normal.

There is a meditation program from Holothink that is designed (and proven) to get you into a deep Zen state very quickly to maximize the benefits in a short amoutn of time for people who are strapped for time. i.e. Me. I need to do some research on it before I decide to shell out the $70. I also need to try harder to find a pirated copy. There has got to be one out there. They also have one that is supposed to energize you to get lots done in a little time. Like cleaning and stuff. I'll keep looking.

I really just need to psyche myself out of this. I feel a little better just writing this. Getting it out of my system. Doesn't make my feel hurt any less though. Ah well.